'The Mysteries of Laura' Review: Grace Adler with Twins and a Gun?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Grace Adler dialed back her neurosis, joined the New York Police Department, and became married with children? No? It may be due to the inescapable glut of “Will & Grace” reruns, but Laura Diamond seems like a slightly more mature version of Grace. They are both unapologetic gluttons who get into bizarre predicaments thanks to a puzzling combination of talent and ineptitude.

It is Debra Messing’s comedic skills and willingness to humiliate herself that make for some of best moments in “The Mysteries of Laura,” but the pilot definitely has some rough spots. Only one episode in, it is too soon to tell if the show is rushing to establish background by exposing viewers to the various quirks of Laura’s home and work lives or making a scattered effort to meld a dramatic police procedural with a sitcom family. Either way, this show needs to tweak its own balancing act.

Problem Children

Laura’s twin boys are supposed to be rambunctious preschoolers, but the actors portraying them appear to be 6 or 7 years old. That makes it difficult to tolerate much less laugh when they terrorize their teacher or take a tinkle on each other in the middle of the park. These boys skipped precocious, lingered at juvenile delinquents, and advanced to sociopaths-in-training.

Quick Fix: Adjust their antics to make them suitable for their age. Make them energetic and resourceful, show them decorating a room with graffiti instead of smearing it with paint like toddlers.

The Mom Bomb

Laura’s a working mother who’s separated from her irresponsible husband. She is a top notch detective, but motherhood keeps creeping into her worklife. Watching her instinctively use a wet wipe to clean a shrieking victim’s face is awkward but organic. Her multiple mentions of shopping at Target feel forced and cheesey.

Quick Fix: Unless Target is a sponsor, quit joking about the chic alternative to Walmart. The mom jokes need to mesh with Laura’s full personality. If viewers are to believe that she’s in total control at work in her demanding role as detective and at loss in wrangling two little boys at home, the overlap needs thoughtful handling.

The Dumb Dad

Okay, the dad can’t be too dumb since he manages his own prestigious career, but viewers only know him as the thorn in Laura’s side. Jake (Josh Lucas) revels in his kids’ rowdy behavior with a trite “boys will be boys” attitude. He is unreliable and irresponsible, making it hard to understand why he and Laura were a couple. (Why is she still wearing her wedding ring?) Maybe he is supposed to be a carefree, fun guy with a streak of dumb luck, but he comes across as an unlikeable, selfish oaf.

Quick Fix: Show Jake’s charm. Make his parenting philosophy carefree, not careless.

“The Mysteries of Laura” airs Wednesdays at 8/7 central on NBC.

How to Copy Nan’s ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Style

Copy "American Horror Story: Coven" style by using vintage flair.
Photo: AnnieAnniePancake via Flickr

Jamie Brewer, a veteran of "American Horror Story," takes on the role of Nan in the anthology's third installment, "American Horror Story: Coven." A sweet wardrobe, thick bangs, and mischievous smirk make this witch look like a delightfully demented baby doll. (How did Spalding not notice this?) Learn how to copy her darkly demure fashions and adjust the edgy factor to suit your personal style.

Modest Dresses  

For the most part, Nan's wardrobe looks like a modern version of traditional Puritan garb. She favors somber colors such as black and royal blue, but she also mixes it up with cute prints and lacy fabrics. Shop for a flared or A-line dress with a hem that falls anywhere between the mid-thigh and knee. Choose a dress that fits well throughout the shoulder area to add definition.

Bold Collars and Cuffs

Nan's collar collection is hard to define because it seems to span multiple eras. She wears everything from feminine peter pan collars to aristocratic ruffles with ornate buttons. Blouses and dresses with bold collars are quite popular right now, but you can also buy the collars separately. Handmade versions are available on sites such as etsy and eBay, or you can shop for blouse dickeys at clothing stores. This is an easy, affordable way to customize your look or update a dress you already own.

When Nan wears a dress with sleeves in "Boy Parts," she adds a white collar and cuffs. Since these sets aren't very common in the retail market, the DIY approach is a good alternative. Generously trim around the collar of a blouse to make a dickey. Cut off the sleeve cuffs about three inches above the wrist area. Hem the edges. Stitch the cuffs and collar to your dress, or use fashion tape to temporarily hold them in place. Alternatively, you can attach a length of ribbon to secure each piece as though it were a necklace or bracelet.

Square-Toe Shoes

Nan's footwear definitely draws from the Baroque era, but you don't have to scour costume shops in search of a noblewoman's shoes. Look for a basic black loafer with a slight heel, about 2 inches, and a square toe. If you prefer to emphasize the baby doll element, replace the loafers with a pair of mary janes, saddle shoes, or basic ballet flats.

Accessories

Although Nan isn't big on accessories, her bold collar frames her face and adds flair as a necklace would. She often finishes her leggy look with sheer black or white knee socks. A thin headband completes the dolly style.

‘Red Band Society’ Premiere: Three Things to Expect

“Red Band Society” lured me in with its sneak preview of the first episode. The teen-centric show manages to convey a sense of lightness, normalcy, and hope while a dark veil of reality looms over Ocean Park Hospital. The vibe readily shifts from grim as two characters tease each other about their maladies to saccharine lines that make Little Orphan Annie seem emo.

Hospital Protocol Doesn’t Apply

From “E.R.” to “Grey’s Anatomy,” hospital shows have a long history of using painstakingly accurate medical jargon and procedures to enrich their storylines.  Expect a more lax approach from “Red Band Society.” Its pediatric ward is more like a college dorm or apartment complex with spacious rooms and lots of freedom. Seemingly absentee parents leave the patients to turn to each other for support.

Some of the medical details and finer points get a bit fuzzy (Doesn’t the vital info on hospital bands keep patients from swapping them like friendship bracelets? Why are a teen girl and tween boy rooming together?), but this ultimately works in the show’s favor since it leaves the story free to evolve without succumbing to the stringent constraints of true-to-life medical dramas.

Astro is Prominent

You may remember Brian “Astro” Bradley as the “astronomical” teen rapper from the first season of “X-Factor.” Now he is a bonafide actor with “Person of Interest” and the extraterrestrial movie, “Earth to Echo” on his resume.  His “Red Band Society” role definitely has shades of his own swagger and personality, but it works out since it meshes with his character, Dash.

The show's other familiar faces include Octavia Spencer (“The Help”), Dave Annable (“666 Park”), Wilson Cruz (“My So Called Life”), Ciara Bravo(“Big Time Rush”), Griffin Gluck (“Back in the Game”), Charlie Rowe (“Pirate Radio”), Zoe Levin (“The Way Way Back”), and Nolan Sotillo (“Prom”).

It’s a Bit Like ‘Glee’

“Red Band Society” relies on archetypes a la “Glee” or “The Breakfast Club” and tosses in an in-hospital classroom to mimic the standard high school dynamics. It isn’t quite as quirky as “Glee,” but it has a similar sense of humor with touches of irony. (When the mean queen cheerleader passes out at practice, the squad encircles her and snaps camera phone pics instead of offering first aid.)

Leo, who lost a leg to cancer, is the leader/jock type who is having some kind of inner turmoil (adult maturity?) that saps his confidence. Emma, who is hospitalized for an eating disorder, manages to shake her shy, brainy persona long enough to exchange insults with her ex, Leo. Hospitalized for cystic fibrosis, Dash is the party-starter and comic relief. Twelve-year-old Charlie is comatose, but serves as the omnipotent narrator who sometimes communicates telepathically. Mean girl Kara is new to the ward and shaking things up with her bad attitude. Her quick hospital pit stop leads to a dire diagnosis. Determined to find the best possible treatment for his cancer, newest patient Jordi illegally crossed the border. His medical challenges seem to rekindle Leo’s leadership skills.

Prognosis: I don’t expect to tune in regularly, but I’m open to routine check-ups.

“Red Band Society” airs Wednesdays on FOX.

The Evolution of Screech: Lifetime’s "The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story"

Lifetime’s big Labor Day movie, “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” could have reached “Sharknado” status with built-in opportunity for plenty of campy fun. The ads showed some interesting casting choices, most notably Mark-Paul Gossleaar/Zack Morris with an overdone Donald Trump-style blonde coif contrasted by thick, dark eyebrows. They also hinted at scandalous behavior—when viewed through the lens of a nostalgic fan—like a tumultuous romance between Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle and Gossleaar.  Add in a bunch of acid washed denim and the blindingly bright colors of The Max, and you have got yourself some must-see TV. Right?

Wrong! The fictional movie comes from the perspective of Dustin Diamond (Screech), perhaps the least interesting character and most reviled actor from “Saved By the Bell.” After his false tell-all book, fake sex tape, failed wrestling career, and stint as a villain on “Celebrity Fit Club,” Diamond skipped notoriety and simply became a nuisance. “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” takes a sympathetic stance and glosses over his many missteps. The whole thing plays like an actual episode of “Saved By the Bell” as the actors have slight struggles with buzzy teen issues such as experimenting with alcohol and coping with parental challenges.

Screech as the Lonely Outcast

The movie portrays the other cast members as serious actors while Diamond is an immature kid pulling pranks on set. Everyone, including his cruel dad, treats him like an outcast. The TV show makes Screech super nerdy while the other kids get to be cool. During a promo tour, everyone gets to go to exotic, fun locations such as Paris, Miami, and New York, while Diamond gets assigned to a rec center in South Carolina.

The movie details his mistreatment: His dad isn’t fully fleshed out, but he seems borderline abusive; His supposed friend blackmails him for a role on “Saved By the Bell;” Viewers ask him about his co-stars or viciously heckle him; The show’s staff favors the other actors.  The movie shows him as a rather sweet kid who can’t seem to catch a break. He turns to alcohol and marijuana, which almost cost him his job. Diamond's recent media presence makes it hard to sympathize, though.

Labor Day weekend is here! Kick back and wait for The #Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story this Monday at 9/8c! pic.twitter.com/3hg1k1t52T
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) August 29, 2014

Mario Lopez: Oafish Womanizer

Aside from Diamond, Lopez gets the most scandalous treatment with references to his bed-hopping habits. Unlike the crazy claims in Diamond’s book, this rumor has realistic roots. (Ali Landry recently discussed how repeated infidelity led to the end of her two-week marriage to Lopez in 2004.) He also comes across as an oaf who forgets the simplest of lines and tries to fight Diamond, who’s clearly his junior in both age and size. This Bruno Mars lookalike is probably the funniest part of the movie.

 

Mark-Paul Gossleaar: First Generation American

Gossleaar is a hard worker who checks Lopez with a big speech about being the child of immigrants. The movie hints at a wild side by giving him a motorbike and making him argue with his mom over his weekly allowance of $20.  We also see him in his dressing room, feverishly dying his brown roots.

The #Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Fact #3: @ElizBerkley and Jennie Garth were also up for Kelly! http://t.co/8Ia78yKfwi
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) September 2, 2014

Tiffani-Amber Thiessen: The Pretty Face

In the movie, pretty Thiessen has to overcome her modeling past and prove her acting chops. She and Berkley are the first to leave “Saved By the Bell” to advance their careers and avoid typecasting.

Elizabeth Berkley: Real-Life Jessie Spano

We see Berkley as a dedicated dancer and actress with serious career ambitions. She leads the others in a push for the TV show to broach teen issues such as drug abuse. The cast rallies to overcome negative reviews and make a funny show. Level-headed and focused, she’s friendly to everyone and serves as a buffer between Voorhies and Thiessen. There are repeated references to her future movie career, but it’s hard to tell if this is for dramatic irony or a jab at her “Showgirls” role.

 

Lark Voorhies: Shrinking Violet

Lark and Mark, they sound like a perfectly annoying Hollywood couple, but the TV movie shows them with an intense flirtation that goes no where thanks to her restrictive religion. Aside from pouty faces and a few tiny blowups when she becomes jealous of Thiessen, Voorhies doesn’t have much of a story.

    

 

Diamond’s Epilogue: An Apology?

The movie ends abruptly with a freeze frame during the big high school graduation episode as Diamond/Screech gives an update on the actors. He boasts about everyone’s careers in a sweet way. He skips over his own career, instead giving some line about embracing his inner Screech. Overall, the movie feels like an attempt to garner some degree of compassion for Diamond and backpedal from his salacious tell-all book. ("Behind the Bell" has everything from rape allegations to steroid abuse.)

Worst of all, the updates are very general without mention of the actors’ lives or Gossleaar’s series, “Franklin & Bash” and “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” ends in an ambiguous way that leaves room to broach “Saved By the Bell: The College Years.”