Lifetime’s big Labor Day movie, “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” could have reached “Sharknado” status with built-in opportunity for plenty of campy fun. The ads showed some interesting casting choices, most notably Mark-Paul Gossleaar/Zack Morris with an overdone Donald Trump-style blonde coif contrasted by thick, dark eyebrows. They also hinted at scandalous behavior—when viewed through the lens of a nostalgic fan—like a tumultuous romance between Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle and Gossleaar. Add in a bunch of acid washed denim and the blindingly bright colors of The Max, and you have got yourself some must-see TV. Right?
Wrong! The fictional movie comes from the perspective of Dustin Diamond (Screech), perhaps the least interesting character and most reviled actor from “Saved By the Bell.” After his false tell-all book, fake sex tape, failed wrestling career, and stint as a villain on “Celebrity Fit Club,” Diamond skipped notoriety and simply became a nuisance. “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” takes a sympathetic stance and glosses over his many missteps. The whole thing plays like an actual episode of “Saved By the Bell” as the actors have slight struggles with buzzy teen issues such as experimenting with alcohol and coping with parental challenges.
Screech as the Lonely Outcast
The movie portrays the other cast members as serious actors while Diamond is an immature kid pulling pranks on set. Everyone, including his cruel dad, treats him like an outcast. The TV show makes Screech super nerdy while the other kids get to be cool. During a promo tour, everyone gets to go to exotic, fun locations such as Paris, Miami, and New York, while Diamond gets assigned to a rec center in South Carolina.
The movie details his mistreatment: His dad isn’t fully fleshed out, but he seems borderline abusive; His supposed friend blackmails him for a role on “Saved By the Bell;” Viewers ask him about his co-stars or viciously heckle him; The show’s staff favors the other actors. The movie shows him as a rather sweet kid who can’t seem to catch a break. He turns to alcohol and marijuana, which almost cost him his job. Diamond's recent media presence makes it hard to sympathize, though.
Labor Day weekend is here! Kick back and wait for The #Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story this Monday at 9/8c! pic.twitter.com/3hg1k1t52T
— Lifetime (@lifetimetv) August 29, 2014
Mario Lopez: Oafish Womanizer
Aside from Diamond, Lopez gets the most scandalous treatment with references to his bed-hopping habits. Unlike the crazy claims in Diamond’s book, this rumor has realistic roots. (Ali Landry recently discussed how repeated infidelity led to the end of her two-week marriage to Lopez in 2004.) He also comes across as an oaf who forgets the simplest of lines and tries to fight Diamond, who’s clearly his junior in both age and size. This Bruno Mars lookalike is probably the funniest part of the movie.
Mark-Paul Gossleaar: First Generation American
Gossleaar is a hard worker who checks Lopez with a big speech about being the child of immigrants. The movie hints at a wild side by giving him a motorbike and making him argue with his mom over his weekly allowance of $20. We also see him in his dressing room, feverishly dying his brown roots.
The #Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Fact #3: @ElizBerkley and Jennie Garth were also up for Kelly! http://t.co/8Ia78yKfwi
— Lifetime (@lifetimetv) September 2, 2014
Tiffani-Amber Thiessen: The Pretty Face
In the movie, pretty Thiessen has to overcome her modeling past and prove her acting chops. She and Berkley are the first to leave “Saved By the Bell” to advance their careers and avoid typecasting.
Elizabeth Berkley: Real-Life Jessie Spano
We see Berkley as a dedicated dancer and actress with serious career ambitions. She leads the others in a push for the TV show to broach teen issues such as drug abuse. The cast rallies to overcome negative reviews and make a funny show. Level-headed and focused, she’s friendly to everyone and serves as a buffer between Voorhies and Thiessen. There are repeated references to her future movie career, but it’s hard to tell if this is for dramatic irony or a jab at her “Showgirls” role.
Lark Voorhies: Shrinking Violet
Lark and Mark, they sound like a perfectly annoying Hollywood couple, but the TV movie shows them with an intense flirtation that goes no where thanks to her restrictive religion. Aside from pouty faces and a few tiny blowups when she becomes jealous of Thiessen, Voorhies doesn’t have much of a story.
Diamond’s Epilogue: An Apology?
The movie ends abruptly with a freeze frame during the big high school graduation episode as Diamond/Screech gives an update on the actors. He boasts about everyone’s careers in a sweet way. He skips over his own career, instead giving some line about embracing his inner Screech. Overall, the movie feels like an attempt to garner some degree of compassion for Diamond and backpedal from his salacious tell-all book. ("Behind the Bell" has everything from rape allegations to steroid abuse.)
Worst of all, the updates are very general without mention of the actors’ lives or Gossleaar’s series, “Franklin & Bash” and “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” ends in an ambiguous way that leaves room to broach “Saved By the Bell: The College Years.”
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