The Evolution of Screech: Lifetime’s "The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story"

Lifetime’s big Labor Day movie, “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” could have reached “Sharknado” status with built-in opportunity for plenty of campy fun. The ads showed some interesting casting choices, most notably Mark-Paul Gossleaar/Zack Morris with an overdone Donald Trump-style blonde coif contrasted by thick, dark eyebrows. They also hinted at scandalous behavior—when viewed through the lens of a nostalgic fan—like a tumultuous romance between Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle and Gossleaar.  Add in a bunch of acid washed denim and the blindingly bright colors of The Max, and you have got yourself some must-see TV. Right?

Wrong! The fictional movie comes from the perspective of Dustin Diamond (Screech), perhaps the least interesting character and most reviled actor from “Saved By the Bell.” After his false tell-all book, fake sex tape, failed wrestling career, and stint as a villain on “Celebrity Fit Club,” Diamond skipped notoriety and simply became a nuisance. “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” takes a sympathetic stance and glosses over his many missteps. The whole thing plays like an actual episode of “Saved By the Bell” as the actors have slight struggles with buzzy teen issues such as experimenting with alcohol and coping with parental challenges.

Screech as the Lonely Outcast

The movie portrays the other cast members as serious actors while Diamond is an immature kid pulling pranks on set. Everyone, including his cruel dad, treats him like an outcast. The TV show makes Screech super nerdy while the other kids get to be cool. During a promo tour, everyone gets to go to exotic, fun locations such as Paris, Miami, and New York, while Diamond gets assigned to a rec center in South Carolina.

The movie details his mistreatment: His dad isn’t fully fleshed out, but he seems borderline abusive; His supposed friend blackmails him for a role on “Saved By the Bell;” Viewers ask him about his co-stars or viciously heckle him; The show’s staff favors the other actors.  The movie shows him as a rather sweet kid who can’t seem to catch a break. He turns to alcohol and marijuana, which almost cost him his job. Diamond's recent media presence makes it hard to sympathize, though.

Labor Day weekend is here! Kick back and wait for The #Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story this Monday at 9/8c! pic.twitter.com/3hg1k1t52T
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) August 29, 2014

Mario Lopez: Oafish Womanizer

Aside from Diamond, Lopez gets the most scandalous treatment with references to his bed-hopping habits. Unlike the crazy claims in Diamond’s book, this rumor has realistic roots. (Ali Landry recently discussed how repeated infidelity led to the end of her two-week marriage to Lopez in 2004.) He also comes across as an oaf who forgets the simplest of lines and tries to fight Diamond, who’s clearly his junior in both age and size. This Bruno Mars lookalike is probably the funniest part of the movie.

 

Mark-Paul Gossleaar: First Generation American

Gossleaar is a hard worker who checks Lopez with a big speech about being the child of immigrants. The movie hints at a wild side by giving him a motorbike and making him argue with his mom over his weekly allowance of $20.  We also see him in his dressing room, feverishly dying his brown roots.

The #Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Fact #3: @ElizBerkley and Jennie Garth were also up for Kelly! http://t.co/8Ia78yKfwi
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) September 2, 2014

Tiffani-Amber Thiessen: The Pretty Face

In the movie, pretty Thiessen has to overcome her modeling past and prove her acting chops. She and Berkley are the first to leave “Saved By the Bell” to advance their careers and avoid typecasting.

Elizabeth Berkley: Real-Life Jessie Spano

We see Berkley as a dedicated dancer and actress with serious career ambitions. She leads the others in a push for the TV show to broach teen issues such as drug abuse. The cast rallies to overcome negative reviews and make a funny show. Level-headed and focused, she’s friendly to everyone and serves as a buffer between Voorhies and Thiessen. There are repeated references to her future movie career, but it’s hard to tell if this is for dramatic irony or a jab at her “Showgirls” role.

 

Lark Voorhies: Shrinking Violet

Lark and Mark, they sound like a perfectly annoying Hollywood couple, but the TV movie shows them with an intense flirtation that goes no where thanks to her restrictive religion. Aside from pouty faces and a few tiny blowups when she becomes jealous of Thiessen, Voorhies doesn’t have much of a story.

    

 

Diamond’s Epilogue: An Apology?

The movie ends abruptly with a freeze frame during the big high school graduation episode as Diamond/Screech gives an update on the actors. He boasts about everyone’s careers in a sweet way. He skips over his own career, instead giving some line about embracing his inner Screech. Overall, the movie feels like an attempt to garner some degree of compassion for Diamond and backpedal from his salacious tell-all book. ("Behind the Bell" has everything from rape allegations to steroid abuse.)

Worst of all, the updates are very general without mention of the actors’ lives or Gossleaar’s series, “Franklin & Bash” and “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” ends in an ambiguous way that leaves room to broach “Saved By the Bell: The College Years.”

'Raising Asia' premiere: Why is this 8-year-old dancer as fierce as a drag queen?

Lifetime is taking little Asia Monet Ray beyond "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" and "Dance Moms" to her very own docuseries, "Raising Asia." Mmk, it sounded like a decent idea for a reality show. The dance prodigy is a natural entertainer who seems interesting enough to carry her own show. It would be a light and uplifting with a bit of drama courtesy of her stage mom Kristie, right?

Wrong! The premiere episode of "Raising Asia" was tough to watch. The Ray family is split in half as Asia and Kristie travel the globe, often leaving dad and 5-year-old sister Bella Blu to fend for themselves. It is unsettling to listen to Kristie talk about helping Asia meet her potential when it seems to come at the family's expense.

Initially, Asia's commentary is upbeat and fun as she describes her family and their talents. It soon enters Bizzarro world as Kristie goes on to say people don't understand what it takes it to raise an extraordinary child like Asia. By the end of it, mom seems unreasonably controlling and peppy Asia sounds rather bratty. Plus, viewers are left to decipher mysteries like why Asia drinks from a toddler-style sippy cup and can't have egg yolks.

Is Asia the next Christina Aguilera?
Asia is the kind of performer whose sheer dedication and enthusiasm draw you in. She is an expressive child prodigy who doesn't need any gimmicks, but they keep trying to elevate her to some adult-level fierceness worthy of RuPaul's TV shows. Her team, particularly Anthony Burrell, can't seem to navigate the huge variety of age-appropriate dance styles that fall somewhere between Shirley Temple and dirty girl Xtina.

Somehow, mom and Anthony decide it's a good idea for Asia to wear a pound of hair and makeup, knee boots, and a bikini as she wields a whip to imitate a lion tamer training a bunch of shirtless backup dancers who close the routine by pawing at her body. Lifetime edited it down a bit, but the uncomfortable tone of the dance remains the same.

The lion tamer concept is good fit for Asia's personality and style, but it needs careful tweaks. Her costume should be a bit more modest, the tiny top and tiny bottom were a bad combo. The repeated use of the whip and her hair as props hurt her performance as she stood on the stage posing instead of dancing. Her vampy moves were awkward, uncomfortable, and most of  all unnecessary since she knows how to command an audience with her dance skills.

Anthony is a creative choreographer, but his appearances on "Dance Moms" and "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" show that he seems to choreograph routines to suit himself, not the dancers. (Remember when he tried to make one of the Candy Apples wear a little Speedo as part of his Pinocchio costume?) His artistic vision works better as an abstract concept than a custom routine for a talented 8-year-old dancer.

"Raising Asia" continues its 14-episode stint Tuesday nights on Lifetime.

Come as You Are to Watch 'Witches of East End'

Move over "Dance Moms," Lifetime is adding some real witches this October! Inspired by Melissa de la Cruz’s New York Times best-selling novel, "Witches of East End" follows the mysterious Beauchamp family. Supernatural trouble brews, forcing Joanna (Julia Ormond) to reveal that her daughters are immortal witches. Now, Ingrid (Rachel Boston) and Freya (Jenna Dewan Tatum) must master their untapped powers to battle an ancient foe who wants to extinguish their family line.

Which Witch: “Witches of East End” vs. “American Horror Story: Coven”
The newest installment of “American Horror Story” will also feature a young woman who has to embrace her witchy legacy to fight extinction. With a cast of powerhouses--including Kathy Bates, Jessica Lange, Angela Basset, and Patti LuPone—“AHS: Coven” will explore feminist and historical themes. Based on the promos, “Witches of East End” looks supernatural and soapy, while “AHS: Coven” seems more intense and creepy.

“Witches of East End” premieres Sunday, Oct. 6 at 10 p.m. on Lifetime.

'Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition' Season 2: Is JoJo BowBow a Villain?

In the world of  "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition," they are plenty of people to root against: bulldozing Abby, frenzied choreographers, and rampaging stage moms. Although JoJo and her mother don't fit into any of those categories, they are getting plenty of on-screen heat. It feels like they're being cast as Season 2's go-to villains.

The JoJo Circus
During the first episode, Jessalyn tells JoJo to diva walk her way to the front of the group during a dance challenge. Tiffany takes this as a sabotage attempt, then complains how this mother-daughter duo represents everything she hates about dance. She calls them the JoJo Circus and demands that Jessalyn apologize to the group. Has Tiffany ever seen this show? "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" is a circus, and she's part of the sideshow.

Considering that JoJo is among the youngest and shortest competitors, moving toward the front didn't hinder anyone else, especially Tiffany's teen daughter, Ally, who is the tallest dancer. Besides, the covert move works against JoJo, and she is the first one eliminated from the challenge.

Is Abby Anti-Anti-Bullying?
Anyone who watches "Dance Moms" knows Abby frequently spews out nonsensical or contradictory points masked only by her volume and body language. Well, JoJo's quick mouth and the "Dare to Be You" challenge brought out the most bizarre instance of Abby's hypocrisy. During the Lady Gaga episode, JoJo answered when Abby was speaking to Sheryl, prompting Abby to critique Jessalyn's parenting. Abby thinks JoJo would be better off if she switched from home school to public school and endured a bit of bullying.

Mmk, it sounds like Abby meant it would be beneficial for JoJo to mingle with other kids to learn how to fit in and get along instead of stealing the spotlight. But Abby took it way too far by suggesting that JoJo would catch on after a classmate shoved her into a locker. Instead of promoting individuality, the Gaga episode extolled the benefits of violent bullying.



Giannaaaaaa!!
JoJo is a tad too sassy, bordering on disrespectful and rude. Abby's right that the cute factor wears off pretty quickly, especially when the kid is 9 or 10 years old. But JoJo's still the life of the party keeping this show from devolving into a bunch of crazed moms and scared glassy-eyed kids. Her incredibly annoying impression of Gianna's mom, Cindy, is spot on.

So far, Jessalynn and JoJo are more like big glittery, neon targets than villains. Hopefully, they will keep it light and fun for the rest of their stay.

"Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" airs Tuesdays at 9 p.m. on Lifetime.