The Evolution of Screech: Lifetime’s "The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story"

Lifetime’s big Labor Day movie, “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” could have reached “Sharknado” status with built-in opportunity for plenty of campy fun. The ads showed some interesting casting choices, most notably Mark-Paul Gossleaar/Zack Morris with an overdone Donald Trump-style blonde coif contrasted by thick, dark eyebrows. They also hinted at scandalous behavior—when viewed through the lens of a nostalgic fan—like a tumultuous romance between Lark Voorhies aka Lisa Turtle and Gossleaar.  Add in a bunch of acid washed denim and the blindingly bright colors of The Max, and you have got yourself some must-see TV. Right?

Wrong! The fictional movie comes from the perspective of Dustin Diamond (Screech), perhaps the least interesting character and most reviled actor from “Saved By the Bell.” After his false tell-all book, fake sex tape, failed wrestling career, and stint as a villain on “Celebrity Fit Club,” Diamond skipped notoriety and simply became a nuisance. “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” takes a sympathetic stance and glosses over his many missteps. The whole thing plays like an actual episode of “Saved By the Bell” as the actors have slight struggles with buzzy teen issues such as experimenting with alcohol and coping with parental challenges.

Screech as the Lonely Outcast

The movie portrays the other cast members as serious actors while Diamond is an immature kid pulling pranks on set. Everyone, including his cruel dad, treats him like an outcast. The TV show makes Screech super nerdy while the other kids get to be cool. During a promo tour, everyone gets to go to exotic, fun locations such as Paris, Miami, and New York, while Diamond gets assigned to a rec center in South Carolina.

The movie details his mistreatment: His dad isn’t fully fleshed out, but he seems borderline abusive; His supposed friend blackmails him for a role on “Saved By the Bell;” Viewers ask him about his co-stars or viciously heckle him; The show’s staff favors the other actors.  The movie shows him as a rather sweet kid who can’t seem to catch a break. He turns to alcohol and marijuana, which almost cost him his job. Diamond's recent media presence makes it hard to sympathize, though.

Labor Day weekend is here! Kick back and wait for The #Unauthorized Saved By The Bell Story this Monday at 9/8c! pic.twitter.com/3hg1k1t52T
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) August 29, 2014

Mario Lopez: Oafish Womanizer

Aside from Diamond, Lopez gets the most scandalous treatment with references to his bed-hopping habits. Unlike the crazy claims in Diamond’s book, this rumor has realistic roots. (Ali Landry recently discussed how repeated infidelity led to the end of her two-week marriage to Lopez in 2004.) He also comes across as an oaf who forgets the simplest of lines and tries to fight Diamond, who’s clearly his junior in both age and size. This Bruno Mars lookalike is probably the funniest part of the movie.

 

Mark-Paul Gossleaar: First Generation American

Gossleaar is a hard worker who checks Lopez with a big speech about being the child of immigrants. The movie hints at a wild side by giving him a motorbike and making him argue with his mom over his weekly allowance of $20.  We also see him in his dressing room, feverishly dying his brown roots.

The #Unauthorized Saved by the Bell Fact #3: @ElizBerkley and Jennie Garth were also up for Kelly! http://t.co/8Ia78yKfwi
— Lifetime  (@lifetimetv) September 2, 2014

Tiffani-Amber Thiessen: The Pretty Face

In the movie, pretty Thiessen has to overcome her modeling past and prove her acting chops. She and Berkley are the first to leave “Saved By the Bell” to advance their careers and avoid typecasting.

Elizabeth Berkley: Real-Life Jessie Spano

We see Berkley as a dedicated dancer and actress with serious career ambitions. She leads the others in a push for the TV show to broach teen issues such as drug abuse. The cast rallies to overcome negative reviews and make a funny show. Level-headed and focused, she’s friendly to everyone and serves as a buffer between Voorhies and Thiessen. There are repeated references to her future movie career, but it’s hard to tell if this is for dramatic irony or a jab at her “Showgirls” role.

 

Lark Voorhies: Shrinking Violet

Lark and Mark, they sound like a perfectly annoying Hollywood couple, but the TV movie shows them with an intense flirtation that goes no where thanks to her restrictive religion. Aside from pouty faces and a few tiny blowups when she becomes jealous of Thiessen, Voorhies doesn’t have much of a story.

    

 

Diamond’s Epilogue: An Apology?

The movie ends abruptly with a freeze frame during the big high school graduation episode as Diamond/Screech gives an update on the actors. He boasts about everyone’s careers in a sweet way. He skips over his own career, instead giving some line about embracing his inner Screech. Overall, the movie feels like an attempt to garner some degree of compassion for Diamond and backpedal from his salacious tell-all book. ("Behind the Bell" has everything from rape allegations to steroid abuse.)

Worst of all, the updates are very general without mention of the actors’ lives or Gossleaar’s series, “Franklin & Bash” and “The Unauthorized Saved By the Bell Story” ends in an ambiguous way that leaves room to broach “Saved By the Bell: The College Years.”

'Boy Meets World' Rewind Recap: Shawn's Dad Finds a Normal Career

“Boy Meets World”: Season 4, Episode 6

This episode was on my mind because I happened to see it shortly before its “Girl Meets World” counterpart aired. It takes place after Shawn’s missing mom, Virna, returns home to the trailer park on the condition that his dad, Chet, does his part to make them more like a “normal” family. The Hunter family is finally back together after Chet left Shawn behind while he spent a year chasing after Virna.

Chet appeases Virna by pretending the household is running smoothly. Shawn beams as his peppy, doting mother serves him a sticky bun with a Flintstones vitamin for breakfast. But the façade cracks when she opens the microwave and discovers Chet’s hidden stack of unpaid bills. Virna’s upset that she’s struggling as the family's sole breadwinner, but Chet doesn’t understand the problem until Shawn explains it to him. Chet decides to give up his beloved life of dreamin’ and schemin’ in favor of a traditional job.

Educational Custodial Services: Normal Job for Normal People

The next morning at John Adams High, Shawn pranks some smaller students and causes them to spill milk everywhere. Topanga admonishes him for picking on those who are weaker and defenseless, but Shawn is proud of himself and jokes that he’s helping the economy by keeping the janitor employed. Justice is swift as Chet saunters in clad in a janitor uniform, toting a mop.

Shawn is shocked and humiliated, but Cory and Topanga try to reassure him. It doesn't work and the situation becomes much worse when another student, Doug, teases him about his dad. They erupt in a brawl, interrupting Mr. Turner’s lesson about H.G. Wells’ “Time Machine” and the class differences between the elite Eloi and dirty Morlocks.

Feeny’s Fix

During a post-fight trip to the principal’s office, Shawn blames Feeny for hiring his dad. Wise Feeny says he should have considered the impact on Shawn’s education. He tells Shawn to decide whether or not Chet deserves to keep his job. Shawn falls for Feeny's plan. After another round of teasing, he promptly tells Feeny to give his dad the ax. Feeny buys some time, saying it will take a few days to find a replacement.

In the meantime, Shawn complains to Virna. She’s proud that Chet finally has a real job and a strong work ethic. Shawn doesn’t quite get it until he realizes that Chet is doing this to be closer to him after spending so much time traveling. He changes his mind about making his dad quit his job.

At school, Shawn makes Cory spill milk all over the floor. When his dad comes to clean the mess, Shawn reaches for the mop and cleans it himself as Doug and other students watch. After Chet tells him he doesn’t have to do that, Shawn stoically replies, “I know I don’t and you don’t either.”

'Janitor Dad' Review

True to the usual "Boy Meets World" style, this episode is heavy-handed. Aside from the janitor on "Scrubs," Chet is TV's most talkative, interactive, visible janitor. He even hauls the A/V equipment into Mr. Turner's class when the students prepare to watch "Time Machine." Although Shawn keeps complaining about his dad's vocation, he never mentions his personality. Chet is super chatty and has a knack for delivering colorful quips and tall tales. That's enough to embarrass any teen, but the show is careful to make the janitorial job the source of Shawn's shame.

Also true to the formula, the classroom lesson and real-world issues collide when Doug obnoxiously brags about his doctor dad and calls Shawn's dad a Morlock. But this part feels very hasty. The Wells lesson is too brief to interest those unfamiliar with "Time Machine," and, aside from Doug, the students don't seem to notice the connection. 

The show frequently spends a good amount of time on the classroom lesson as the teacher lectures or the students organically discuss topics such as Anne Frank. The Wells tie-in feels like it was cut short as the show gave too much attention to the scenes with Shawn's milk pranks. It also seems like Shawn should apologize to the kids he bullied or at least resolve to be a better person.

This episode is especially memorable and emotional because Shawn finally gets a normal family. Chet and Virna's humility and big personalities make them likeable despite their horrendous parenting missteps. Even though the episode touches on many topics ranging from class warfare to bullying, it is crystal clear on the importance of taking pride in yourself and a job well done.

Watch for reruns of "Boy Meets World" on ABC Family or MTV2. "Janitor Dad" is also available for streaming on Amazon, $1.99.

'Don't Trust the B in Apartment 23' Finds New Home on Logo TV

Logo TV

After going through various title tweaks, "Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23" premiered on ABC on October 11, 2011. With its bawdy humor, New York setting, and odd couple roommates, the show combined the mismatched roommates of “Two Broke Girls” with the outrageous style of “Will & Grace.” The show managed to survive two seasons before ABC gave it the boot. Logo’s breathing new life into the defunct comedy by airing the entire series, including eight previously unaired episodes.

Pilot Plight

The pilot was a bit jarring as viewers immediately saw Chloe (Krysten Ritter) at her worst/best, scamming June (Dreama Walker) and stealing her boyfriend. Her outrageous antics were on par with Karen Walker (Megan Mullally) from "Will & Grace," but the unfamiliar character felt more shocking and repulsive than funny. Between the show's title and Chloe's personality, it seemed the show was leaning too heavily on a one-note string of bad behavior too narrow to bolster a TV series.

The B’s Flipside

Instead of stagnating, “Don’t Trust the B-----” managed to get better and better as the show went on. The world of roomies June and Chloe grew to include a quirky cast spotted with self-deprecating cameos from the likes of Busy Phillips and Dean Cain. As the show continuously pushed the limits of the friendship between sweet, naive June and morally-bankrupt Chloe, meandering plots created a genuine bond between the two women. Self-centered Chloe showed a loyal, protective side and became more relatable without losing her edge. Meanwhile, June’s doe-eyed princess persona gave way to a more street smart New Yorker.

The Beek

As a parody of himself, James Van Der Beek’s character alternated between being a stereotypically insecure, vapid actor and a spiritual guru offering guidance to June and Chloe. At times his two-in-one persona was a convenient plot device, but it allowed the show to entertain both fans and foes of The Beek with campy comedy and “Dawson’s Creek” references.

Check Logo TV for air dates.

'Raising Asia' premiere: Why is this 8-year-old dancer as fierce as a drag queen?

Lifetime is taking little Asia Monet Ray beyond "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" and "Dance Moms" to her very own docuseries, "Raising Asia." Mmk, it sounded like a decent idea for a reality show. The dance prodigy is a natural entertainer who seems interesting enough to carry her own show. It would be a light and uplifting with a bit of drama courtesy of her stage mom Kristie, right?

Wrong! The premiere episode of "Raising Asia" was tough to watch. The Ray family is split in half as Asia and Kristie travel the globe, often leaving dad and 5-year-old sister Bella Blu to fend for themselves. It is unsettling to listen to Kristie talk about helping Asia meet her potential when it seems to come at the family's expense.

Initially, Asia's commentary is upbeat and fun as she describes her family and their talents. It soon enters Bizzarro world as Kristie goes on to say people don't understand what it takes it to raise an extraordinary child like Asia. By the end of it, mom seems unreasonably controlling and peppy Asia sounds rather bratty. Plus, viewers are left to decipher mysteries like why Asia drinks from a toddler-style sippy cup and can't have egg yolks.

Is Asia the next Christina Aguilera?
Asia is the kind of performer whose sheer dedication and enthusiasm draw you in. She is an expressive child prodigy who doesn't need any gimmicks, but they keep trying to elevate her to some adult-level fierceness worthy of RuPaul's TV shows. Her team, particularly Anthony Burrell, can't seem to navigate the huge variety of age-appropriate dance styles that fall somewhere between Shirley Temple and dirty girl Xtina.

Somehow, mom and Anthony decide it's a good idea for Asia to wear a pound of hair and makeup, knee boots, and a bikini as she wields a whip to imitate a lion tamer training a bunch of shirtless backup dancers who close the routine by pawing at her body. Lifetime edited it down a bit, but the uncomfortable tone of the dance remains the same.

The lion tamer concept is good fit for Asia's personality and style, but it needs careful tweaks. Her costume should be a bit more modest, the tiny top and tiny bottom were a bad combo. The repeated use of the whip and her hair as props hurt her performance as she stood on the stage posing instead of dancing. Her vampy moves were awkward, uncomfortable, and most of  all unnecessary since she knows how to command an audience with her dance skills.

Anthony is a creative choreographer, but his appearances on "Dance Moms" and "Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition" show that he seems to choreograph routines to suit himself, not the dancers. (Remember when he tried to make one of the Candy Apples wear a little Speedo as part of his Pinocchio costume?) His artistic vision works better as an abstract concept than a custom routine for a talented 8-year-old dancer.

"Raising Asia" continues its 14-episode stint Tuesday nights on Lifetime.